From flirtations to breakups, here’s how to be a mature adult about office romances

The great American activist and poet Maya Angelou once said: “Love recognises no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

In my experience, love can also jump the hurdles of office partitions, leap hierarchical fences and penetrate human resource policy walls. 

Workplace romances can be delicate, but let’s be real here: They’re unavoidable. 

American news site Forbes reported in 2024 that more than 60 per cent of adults have taken part in at least one workplace romance. 

A 2016 poll showed that more than 50 per cent of Singaporeans would consider being romantically involved with a colleague – or what Leslie Knope from American TV series Parks and Recreation calls a “workplace proximity associate”.

And why not? Despite the rise of dating applications, a 2021 national survey found that Singaporeans are still most comfortable meeting potential partners through more organic and face-to-face settings.

We have to acknowledge that the workplace is a great incubator for cultivating relationships, certainly because of the proximity and a whole lot of “associating” going on. 

We spend most of our waking hours at work, in numerous interactions with our colleagues ranging from intense project meetings to casual conversations over lunch. In such a close-knit environment, it’s perfectly natural to develop feelings that aren’t entirely platonic.

Culturally, most Singaporeans seem to be accepting of romances in their workplaces – provided that the couple stays professional during work hours and that the relationship doesn’t disrupt team dynamics.

Still, the stakes are high. How do we approach workplace relationships without turning the office into a real-life Single’s Inferno? (For those unfamiliar, Single’s Inferno is a reality show of singles facing sticky situations while finding love on a deserted island.)

1. KNOW YOUR COMPANY POLICY

In the throes of budding romance, reading the fine print of your employee handbook may not feel like the stuff of Shakespearean sonnets. Some workplaces have strict no-dating policies; others may be more relaxed as long as you’re not each other’s direct supervisor.

In my view, a strict no-dating policy is impractical and unrealistic. Forcing workers to hide their relationships leaves no room to address real issues like power imbalances or favouritism. Worse, it often leads to gossip and distrust if everyone suspects a relationship in their midst but can’t talk about it. 

Having a detailed policy on relationships in the workplace is then a far more feasible option.

A comprehensive handbook usually covers aspects of transparency, conflict of interest management, as well as professional conduct at work. Read them in detail, or talk to Judy from HR so you know the consequences of any policy violations as well – just in case. 

2.  ACKNOWLEDGE THE RELATIONSHIP

Let’s start with the obvious: The whole office will eventually know. 

Workplace rumours have the extraordinary ability to travel faster than a CEO’s private jet. Whether it’s the slightest hand-on-the-shoulder moment or that furtive shared glance, someone saw it. And they told someone else. And that someone else told someone else.

If it’s starting to look like a serious, long-term relationship, it might be wise to address the hush-hush chatter.

You don’t have to send a company-wide memo. A simple, casual acknowledgement often suffices: “Yes, we’re seeing each other, but we will stay professional and make sure no one has a reason to feel uncomfortable around us.”

Many companies already have a fraternisation policy in place where the relationship needs to be declared.

But if the existence of the relationship contravenes HR policy, my recommendation is to bite the bullet and declare it anyway. If things go south, you don’t want to deal with heartbreak and policy violations.

Policies exist to protect the company – and you. Have a frank talk with HR to find a workable arrangement. It may require tough compromises, but it’s better than fuelling the rumour mill in secret.

3. SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES

It starts off innocently: “We brainstorm so well together!” 

But personal closeness can bleed into professional territory, casting shadows of suspicion. Colleagues might start wondering if the late-night dim sum budgets are mysteriously skewed in your department – coincidentally benefiting you and your new flame. 

So, set clear boundaries. Make sure your relationship doesn’t compromise team fairness or decision-making.

If you’re in a position to appraise your significant other’s work – or vice versa – take a step back and hand that power over to someone impartial. 

Your colleagues will appreciate your integrity almost as much as you appreciate your beloved’s witty Slack messages.

4. PLAN FOR THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO

Nobody begins a relationship expecting a train wreck, but office breakups can be especially brutal.

Getting through daily huddles and high-stakes deadlines is one thing; doing it all while grappling with heartbreak for that once-special-someone sitting right across you can be nigh mission impossible. 

If you do split up, be clear about how you feel and what you need in order to carry on at the workplace. Discuss with your ex how you’ll navigate daily interactions and remain civil, especially where other colleagues are present or involved. 

Be specific in these discussions: Do we need to claim different hours at the coffee machine? Split custody of our favourite lunch companions? Muster the stoicism of ancient monks whenever we pass each other in the corridor? 

Just as you should acknowledge the coming together of the relationship, consider informing HR and your colleagues of the breakup.

In many cases, HR can assist in minimising interactions in ways that don’t disrupt the work, for example, by assigning you to different teams or departments.

Sounds dramatic? Maybe. But it’s less dramatic than storming out in the middle of a team meeting like you’re on the set of Love is Blind (yup, this is another reality show of singles looking for love). 

NOTED WITH LOVE

Amid all these challenges and cautionary tales, there is a sweeter side of finding your soulmate at work.

Motivation: Having a special someone at work can boost your mood. Maybe you look forward to that daily creative review session a little more, or hustle harder to leave early and enjoy a date night.

Teamwork: If navigated ethically, couples can become dynamic project partners. You know each other’s strengths, triggers and ways of thinking, and the work can be all the better for it. 

Companionship: Long days in the office can be draining. Having someone around who lifts your spirits can help you endure the tedium of back-to-back Zoom calls.

Just remember, these perks become questionable if used to justify endless “coffee breaks” together.

An office romance can make your heart skip a beat, but it can also trip up your career if you’re not careful. Balancing emotions and professionalism isn’t easy, but essential.

Remember, be honest and respectful to each other and those around you. That’s how we’ll get through it together – you, me and Judy from HR.