Commentary: No longer parents’ duty to pay for their child to go to university – but it’s still nice

SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old Singaporean recently took his estranged father to court in a bid to get monthly maintenance to fund his future university fees.

While the case was eventually dismissed, it ignited a public debate on the extent to which parents are expected to provide for their children. 

In Singapore, the law requires parents to provide for their children’s basic education needs – but there is no clear legal mandate when it comes to funding a child’s tertiary education or further education aspirations. 

All the same, there usually seems to be a general expectation for Singaporean parents to foot the bill for their children’s university education. I’m always fascinated that in contrast, most of my friends in Western countries had to finance their own higher academic pursuits. 

Cultural customs aside, the considerations of this have also changed in recent years thanks to rising costs of living, including education. If a child wants to pursue higher education but the family is unable to afford it, whose responsibility is it?

TERTIARY EDUCATION IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A LEGAL RIGHT

In most Asian households, paying for the child’s university fees is often seen as a natural extension of the parents’ desire to give their children the best possible start in life. 

Such an expectation can cause tremendous financial strain. Parents must juggle these costs alongside housing loans, retirement savings, and rising living expenses. A 2016 HSBC survey found that Singaporeans typically spend more than twice the global average on their child’s university education, and over half are willing to go into debt to fund it.

However, it’s worth remembering this mindset was largely shaped in a time when degree holders were much rarer and therefore held in higher regard.

While having a degree may have helped you stand out in job markets of the past, it doesn’t quite provide the same boost today when more than one-third of Singaporean residents aged 25 and over are university graduates (up from 4.5 per cent in 1990). 

And for the sandwiched generation, many of us don’t want our children to end up spending their adult life struggling to support both their parents and their kids. That’s why more and more Gen X and Gen Y parents are planning now to fund their own retirement in the future.

With the cost of university tuition and other expenses on the rise, is holding onto this expectation of parents fronting their kids’ higher education bills still reasonable?

OWNERSHIP OF ONE’S OWN ACADEMIC ASPIRATIONS

I was made to pay for my own tertiary studies. After I finished my O-Levels, my mum got me a gig teaching tuition to my younger cousins so I had money to pay for my own tutor.

In my second year of junior college, the money wasn’t enough – so my dad offered to loan me the money that I needed for economics tuition on condition that I paid him back later.

Going to university on my own dime ensured that I did not skip lectures or tutorials, since doing so would have been at my own expense. 

On the other hand, my husband’s parents paid for all his private tutors and school fees up until he completed his diploma. He admits to not taking his lessons seriously back then – but when he decided to pursue an advanced diploma later on and paid for it himself, he became the most studious he’d ever been in his life. 

I took my studies seriously because I was the one paying for it. My husband only started taking his studies seriously once the financial responsibility for them fell to him alone.

However, even after 10 years of co-parenting, we still have different views on whether we will foot the bill if our kids tell us they want to go to university.

What we do agree on is this: If our children are made to bear at least some financial responsibility for their own higher education fees, then they will likely be less inclined to waste their university years.   

COMMUNICATE EXPECTATIONS EARLY

Even for parents who genuinely wish to support their children’s higher education, their financial situations may not always allow them to. 

Regardless of whether parents plan to commit to funding their kids’ tertiary education endeavours, it’s important to communicate such expectations early and clearly. If necessary, discuss alternative funding options as a family, such as scholarships or part-time work, so that the child can plan and prepare accordingly instead of getting ambushed by a new stack of stresses. 

Deferring one’s studies by a year or two could also be an option. One of my university classmates worked as a flight stewardess before entering university to ensure she could support herself while schooling.

Each family will have different needs, preferences and dynamics – but each one needs to have honest discussions to establish mutual understanding and clarity about financial realities and shared responsibilities to avoid creating tensions that could escalate into harsher conflicts, or even legal battles.

EDUCATION IS A SHARED RESPONSIBILITY

So does being unwilling or unable to finance your child’s tertiary education make you a bad parent? The short answer: No.

In this day and age, higher education need no longer be looked upon as just a parent’s duty. When the child has a vested interest in their own education, they are also more likely to value it more.

In Singapore, numerous resources are available to reduce the financial burden of tertiary education, including tuition grants, scholarships and student loans. With hard work and sufficient planning, it is not impossible to finance one’s own academic pursuits.

The financial burden of a university is no longer the measure of a good parent. Of course, willing parents are still more than welcome to fund their children’s higher education. However, such generosity should not be mistaken for an obligated entitlement. 

Dawn Cher, also known as SG Budget Babe, runs a popular blog on personal finance and has a licence in real estate.